Forever

   It's funny to me how so many people look at forever as a bad thing as something to be afraid of and never strive to go towards but what I wonder is that a bad thing? we live right now in a world that seems to be soooo afraid of forever and what it means's, I mean we live in a world that when things get to hard u can just get out of it and say " hey it's irreconcilable difference" and be done but why why do we not have the strength to fight for what we believe in, and better yet if you are fighting why is it because u believe this is the person for u this is the person u love u like the person who makes u smile and giggle and u flirt and it's still fun.

 Forever is not a bad word, My beloved Grandparents were together for fifty years before my Grandfather passed, I find that soooo great because when I look at my pookie I see the man I met ten years ago and the man now and I laugh at this nerdyness his humor his wit but I smile at knowing his love for me is unlike anything I have ever known. Does it matter that were both men, nope it matters we want to keep building our life together  I will enjoy watching him get older because he as my pookie is truly fabulous and will be mine forever.

2012

It's very funny to me how 2012 is a promise of untold potentale of dreams and promise yet to be. What I really don't understand is the complaining I am hearing on only the 3rd day of the year how horrible everything is, I mean when did people forget that life is what we make of it, This new years eve was my ten year anniversary with Pookie and what was so wonderful is the fact he used that as the time to ask me to marry him :() I mean wow I felt my head spin a bit but then I realized that it's a dream of a tomorrow I always wanted and it's now on its way to coming into being. We're looking at this year as a time of preparation a time to rally our strength and ability to afford what we want to do. I'm looking at this year to be fun to be adveterous to be mystical and magical as the year should be. I know that's the choice I'm making.

The Begining

  It's the Day before Turkey-day and I have a lot of memories going in my head right now, because last year at this time was when my world would start to change. Pookie got a huge opportunity to come to Florida and work in this field of 3-D animation and I felt I had to no that's the wrong word I wanted to stand behind him and give him this change to make this happen for him and for us. He's working to make us a life and make our family strong..Now what I have to do is find the courage in me to realize this is important and I can't be side because life is different. I have to know that life is change or better yet an adventure because if u don't keep playing the game what's the point?

   What I mean by that is I have to find my smile I have to find my joy and bring it to us as a couple and what we are building and have together.  I know things are not always rose's and rainbow's and that's OK because when they are there fabulous and when there not well that's OK because with us a deal is a deal and there is no escape...:)

The Crack In My Bling

  Something I don't think they tell u when your  growing  up is the  fact  that they { meaning people} make it always seem that life as a grown up is a time of adventure and fun and beauty. However I am hear to say  that cannot  be farther from the truth...I wish so much that now  a day's kid's were not in such a hurry to grow up and take the time to make sure they enjoy there child hood's while they can. I mean what happened to ridding bikes and playing hide and seek or freeze tag there were so many funny thing growing up that I would not change for the world.  In fact I remember My MOM trying to teach me how to skate NO not roller blade I mean Roller skate because that's how we do it.

   What's funny to me is people are so serious all the time I mean yes Life can be hard but it's up to us weather we allow our self's to get old and be unhappy, let's face it unless your going to live with mom and dad for ever u have to get out and go into the big bad world to find your spin on it and how u can make your story the best it can be.  What people I think don't understand is the hardest part about growing up is the  stress and what it does to you and how your body reacts to it. However weather or not we play is up to us and that alone is a stress buster like no other.

Sugar and spice but i's still so nice

   It's funny to me sometimes when u learn things about yourself and what's strange is when u learn these things u then have to decided how your going to handle what ever life has started to trow at you. I have just learned that I am diabetic and what that has done is opened my eyes to the fact that I make the choice and the decision on how to take care of my self and what I am going to do with this knowledge.
    Instead of worrying I have decided to use this as a goal to better my self and make my self a better person...what I have learned that's really strange is the fact that I never realized how my out of control sugar made me nutty, and what I mean buy that is my mood's were so out of control at times..
    No more mood swings for me {lucky pookie}  and also I have lost weight but what's interesting about this is weight has always been an issue in my life growing up because I'm not a size 33 but that's fine that was a goal I let go years ago because I realized that for me that was not a healthy goal and I hated starving my self.
   My goal is not really weight loss because that's an effect that I see coming from what I'm doing, my goal is to be healthy and be able to do more and not have pain, I defy someone to say well ye I'm larger but I don't hurt the fact is you may not hurt know but u will hurt and if u wait to long it may be to late to do anything about it. Life is short but it's also a gift you only get once and there is no receipt for the return.

    I know this I may be turning 40 in march but I'm proud to know I can still learn, I'm proud I am not scared of change, and I'm proud and lucky that my pookie is so supportive because if he were not I do wonder if this journey would be one I could have been on at all.

Have you seen the sign

•    It's strange to me me how we walk around never looking at what's in front of us or better yet waiting for the world to tell us what we should do or better yet to guide us in the direction we are meant to go in..Because if we do that it's mystic mumbo jumbo or hocus pocus and is that a bad thing?
•    We recently adopted to small kitten's what was funny about it was we were looking for a puppy and even though we saw dog's that were beautiful and loving we did not see the one that spoke to us. However on our visit to the humane society we saw these two little kittens who were playing with each other and seemed to sparkle like shadows given life. Something strange did happen though I could not get them out of my mind and after finding out no one had looked at them because of the superstitious nature that many people have made me realize even more that they were meant to come home with us.
•    What I found funny is the fact that I was a little worried if we were doing the right thing adopting both of them I kept seeing things that were twin related, almost as if the world the universe was saying "bring those baby's home".
•    The other event that struck me was the fact that I got a body pillow and in theory it's great but it meant separating the bed between pookie and I and I could not figure out what this caused me issue's sleeping because I was not watching or listening to the sign's the truth is I like being able to hold him at night and feel his warmth maybe get a little kiss or cop a feel :) once I listen to what I was being told I understood what I needed to do. 
•   Sign's are all around us and what the world wants us to know is all around us, however we have to listen we need to let go of our ego and listen which is truly one of the hardest things we as humans as people can ever do.

Tag are you still it?

I have found latly that I have started looking at the difference at how friendships are now vs. how they were as kids. I almost find it sad in some ways that the innocens we had we no longer have and unfortunaly because of that it is hard to see the beauty and the magic in friendships and what they bring.
When were kids we see everyone we know as a friend and we call them such even though on some level we know that these people are in our life's for a briff moment however it's a moment we need so that we will go on to the next level of what our life is suppose to be. Moving to florida has been a learning exsperence for me and what I see for my self and how I see the making of friendships and what they mean to me and truly the new rules of what they mean now at an older age.
I however am Lucky because I do have the pleasuere of having true friends and know the deepness in it of having the kind of friends who will do goffy things with me and not feel silly about it. My best friend knows my crazy and she still loves me even though I know there are times when she tell's me (YOUE SUCH A BOY) That's fine in my book. I hope my friends know that the magic that friends bring is a spell that really and truly can never be undone and because of that distance is just a seperation of space never of hart the way it is truly meant to be.