A crack in the Fabulous

   It seems to me that people telling you that your being strong is suppose to be seen often as a good thing. It seems that it's a sign that you can "Handle" anything and people know you have it together. However do you really have it as together as everyone thinks or are you really good at hiding behind the wall of happiness you have constructed to make everyone feel better when there around you.
    Right now I am going through the journey of moving across country once more and I have tried so hard to keep my wall's up and make sure that at all times I appear put together and in control and what I find is that the control is at times more for the people surround me because it puts them more at ease thinking that the journey or the stress is not getting to me and that I have got this.
  The fact is when people are telling you that during these times it's because there keeping that wall up and the story going but the truth is they may not have it. they may be over whelmed, or maybe in serious need of a good cry or drink or just someone to say {hey it's OK}. I know right now I don't want to hear "how" strong I am or what have you because it's not something it's helpful to me, I know I would  rather have a joke or a hug or ASK me how it's going and be OK with the answer even if it's not an answer that makes you comfortable.
  I know my wall is still there and it's fabulous but I'm getting better with being OK with the fact that my wall sometimes crack because I know the crack does not make me less fabulous and does not make me less OK. The Crack just makes me, me and I am OK with that.

I've known you forever Haven't I

   It seems silly sometimes to think about the fact that I love a Man who makes me feel as if I've known him longer than I've known my self. What that means's is to remember what Life is or was with out that love is an unknown factor and it's something That I don't believe Can ever be put into true words.
   I make Pookie laugh at times because of the Love I have for romantic Movies and the stories that they tell but What I find very funny is the fact that Pookie thinks my reaction's to these movies is what tickles him the most and especially if I get teary they he's in stitch's. The fact is I know this but I still pretend to be miffed at him for laughing "truth is if he didn't laugh I would be so pissed"  I know that the love that people talk about or better yet the love that they dream about is something for some reason I have been blessed with and it's the strenuous most fantastic thing in the universe. Imagine if you will being under a magical spell but never wanting to be free of that magic. Imagine as a part of that spell you feel your very soul has mered with that of the other person so that on some lever were you Begin and end is no longer known.  I know very few things to be true But one thing is were Pookie and I are concerned we are of one heart, one Mind and one soul.

You Don't know My story You Don't Know My Life.

 I find it funny That I at this stage in my life I am dealing with the issue of people not being OK with me being in a mood or having an issue that while they feel free to judge, however don't feel they can ask me how they could help or if I need something from them to help me through the time I am under going. What I have learn through this coming chapter that my life is writing right now is who I have truly let into my heart and the one's,I have have treated that as if I have given them a key to a secret club. People need to understand that My "behavior" unless it involves me slapping the hell out of u that it's not your concern. If My "behavior" is "snippy as some have said then ask your self If maybe I have a reason for it and Maybe I'm tired of doing your task and Mine. I Know this to be true, My Life is My Life and I have a good and happy life so your approval is neither desired nor required and who knows looks like your ass might just be a bit part after all.

Hi Honey I'm Homo

   Right Now I'm in the process of packing up our home, and to me that's what the key word is the word Home because that is what we have had out here during our time in Florida. What I find amusing in a strange way is the concept of what home is and what home means's to not only myself but to people in general. 
    To me it may seem old fashion but one of the things I am most proud of is the fact that I have been able to make a home for my amazing Fiance and our little family because I feel that that is my privilege to do that. As I take apart our home I notice it is now changing it's self back into a house which is fine but I know that the heart of our home is missing at the moment because it's my half that brings the soul as together we light the fire of passion on what our home becomes. So now as our next chapter gets ready to start I know that the House Pookie finds for us will be one that I will have to take the the magic of our love to light it's heart and turn it into a home for us all. 

The Snuggle or not to Snuggle

Well it's time to start a new chapter in our story. Pookie started working for Marvel his dream job and so as a result we will be moving from Florida back to California and there are good things and sad things about that fact. Pookie and I talked about the fact that we are moving and the fact we can never look on the last two years as anything but a lesson in both togetherness and understanding. 
  The last two years Pookie and I have grown as a couple in ways I feel at times I can't find the words for but somehow have an understanding of. we have come to a point were we know and I say know that we will 1st of all marry each other and 2nd grow as old together because I love the idea of him being my grumpy old man. 
 Right now we are in different states as he starts working and I finish everything I need to do here so we can complete the move and send our kitties to him. What this is showing me is the sheer strangeness I feel from people when they ask me" If I'm happy to have time to my self" The answer is NO I mean why would I be given the fact that we love spending time together and have fun with one another.
  Now it's playing the waiting game to be back in each others arms and continue on with the writing of our love story. I know the time we spend apart is only a moment in the universe however to us it's an eternity that we want to speed through, given the fact that as long as we have know each other moments or better yet mere, seconds seems to last longer than we expect. I know this as we grow together we will just always love and live moments as an eternity and take it with laughter and joy. 
 

Stronger and stronger through laughter regardless of the pain

 The last couple of years pookie and I have learned what it mean's to be a true couple, what it mean's to have up's down's and what it mean's to be a team to be a couple. He's on his way to california right now and if everything works out he will have the job he want's in his field and we will then move back from florida to california and that's ok because what we have learned and gained being in florida is a gift we can never regret nor loose. it helps knowing we go back more in love and stronger than ever before. The Love we have by some may not make sense  but to us it is made with humor love and respect. After that what else is there.

So We're ruining marriage are we.

  It's been a little while sense I last wrote and In that time life as we say has gone on and gone on with no true sign of stopping at all. Which is how it should be it seems now over the last few weeks the beloved Fiance has been laid off from the company that brought us to Florida for the adventure  we have been on over the last two years.
  Now we are facing a new chapter to this life we have build and new chapter a new era if u will of what we will undertake and what we will do together as one unit as one family as we are. It's strange to me soooo much of what we hear and what we read says that "Gays" will destroy marriage will destroy life as we know it but how is that possible, given the fact that for instance Pookie and I have made that pledge to one another were we support and prop each other up through the darkness and hold each other's hands through the light. How are we not a Family in ever sense of the word.

  I know many things as I have gotten older and I know nothing as I have gotten older and for that I find my self grateful and yet humble as well. Because what this new chapter is truly teaching me is this is the time when I truly must have not only faith but truly believe in the bound that pookie and I have made over the years to be together though-out our ups and Downs and through better or worse. To me I know that the bound we have makes god very proud of us and all we do and I know it makes my beloved mother who is our guardian angel know what her son and the man who he has chosen to spend his life with are on the right tract. So I see how we are running marriage.