yummy yummy for my tummy

Food and I have had a adversarial relationship from the get go and what's worse is knowing that at time I see food as a shield to help me hide when I might be feeling over whelmed by life or what life decides to throw at me and whether or not I'm ready for what ever that might be. I know as a "fatty" or "big Girl" that we always find ways to cope with what ever may be bothering us no matter what the issue or situation that comes along...What I find interesting is that people who get along with food do not understand that eating as a drug vs. eating for hunger is a very different thing...who knows I maybe able to go to celebrity rehab one day and get this under control...but then again I may make the worlds best chief who knows....

when is it time to scream

This Florida adventure has it's UPS and it's Downs and no matter how much I wish other wise is not perfect...The part that I find not to be perfect is truly how much Pookie works and the fact he has a two mouth start on understanding the In's and the outs of living here on the east cost understanding here, I know it should not matter but on some level it does because I feel like I'm catching up with him and what he has gone and is going through. I find I miss more people than I thought I would because I had though that because I missed pookie so much that's all I would nee, however I find that it's more than that I miss more than people and to be honest missed seems like a word to not fully be able to explain what I am feeling..what is also strange is that I miss place's as well and event's as well...I know I will come to understand and I know I will become more comfortable with my new life/adventure, I know life is what we make of it however what I am still trying to decide is what I am trying to make at this point.

Your Never To Old to Grow

I have found over the Last few weeks I'm looking at my self in a truly different way, I'm looking at what makes me a person, what makes me a man, what makes me for not another word me.

I am looking at how to let negativity go and to learn to savor moments for what they are and not worry about what they should be. I find sometimes people worry way to much about what moments should be and just don't except them.

Today I had the pleasure to spend this Sunday with my best friend in the whole world, my La Mari, we did breakfast, we did a movie we did Costco and took a walk at an orange grove.

Spending time with my friend let's me relax and enjoy the day and always it helps me realize the day is not my right but a gift I was given by God...I have come to realize more and more lately there is a higher power that is directing me a little more than ever before with my life.

the biggest difference I see from now from when I was younger is the fact I am ready to listen and be thankful for what is happening in my and pookie's life.

I feel at thirty eight I can and should see life not as a challenge but as a glorious adventure I am able to go on with true love in my pocket and amazing friends at my back with loving family waiting in the wings....

I wonder sometimes why did I finally hear what needed to happen, why was I know Strong enough or humble enough to listen to my little bird...My answer I don't know but I am blessed that I finally have.

From climbing a tree to moving across the country I know that I can't let fear rule my life, because If I do then it stops being life....The fact is however long we are allowed to be on this plant in this world, we need to live every moment and never take that for granted, because I know there are people out there who would trade place's with any of us in a moment..

The Saying is we don't stop playing cause we grow old/ we grow old because we stop playing..I for one will play for as long as I can..

The true Prison of Love

With Valentines day coming up it's funny to me the reaction people seem to have about this holiday. The almost forced way people feel they must show affection, they must be romantic, they must give gift's.

What I wonder is why people don't show love all the time? I mean if you are blessed to have someone to share your life with to laugh at your dumb jokes, why are you not letting them know how important they are to you and how much they mean to you.

Why do so many people bash there love one i mean what is the point for that..if you loved them why not remember what you loved about them and use that as a foundation to create and grow what the relationship is suppose to be.

What I have learned with pookie is not to play that game of "trying to change him" I mean what is the point of that, if I didn't love him with the good and the bad then why be with him...it makes no sense to me.

With pookie's love I found my friend, a love a playmate I found someone who laughs with me who will cry with me I found Love....I found my one my true and my last and only Valentine.

I found what people write about I hope more people. break out of the prison they have put there heart in and allow them self the chance to truly love and there by allow them selfs to be loved in return.....

So to my Valentine Mr. Gary Jess Carrillo A.K.A Pookie....thank you baby for allowing and showing me how to love and be loved,
Your love is sweeter than candy and more tasty then tacho's....

The Mystery of the boxes

This moving experience is by far not an easy adventure to undertake no matter who you are what what resource's you have at your disposal...Moving is taking your life and taking stock of it before re staring that life in a different destination.

It seems that we can be bogged down in what we believe are memories and what have you, but the truth of the matter is what in some case's are these so called memories attached to that we find them sooo important at the time.

What I find difficult in this part of our adventure is that fact that I am facing these memories alone and in many case's having to make the decision or choice on what's worth taking Vs. what is not.

Some would say that "that's easy just let go" but the fact is that when faced it a moment how do you let it go, and just because the physical part of the moment is let go do we truly loose that moment all together.

I know this move will be a glorious adventure for us with a glorious outcome on the other end, but I so wish we could have done this differently.

I will say this even at thirty eight it's nice to know I can still grow and I can still learn about my self..knowing that I'm stronger than I believed is a nice feeling and helps me know I am truly a better and stronger partner for pookie than I even knew I was before...

Learning and growing it seems never stops no matter the age and that's a good thing...

The saying is you can't teach an old dog new tricks but I guess in my case as long as the dog is fabulous we can still learn...

The day's are counting down and the boxes are getting packed so we need to keep going no matter what cause turning back is not an option and that's o.k with me.

Good Fag Hag is hard to find.

It's funny to me to see the reaction Mari and I get from our men...we seem many times to get the look of confusion or a look of ammmmm o.k sure what ever you guys want to do.

What I find funny with My friendship with mari is the fact that together we don't need to do anything big to have a good time..last weekend we went to Costco for a couple of hours and had a blast..I mean who does that, answer we do..

It's to bad more people don't have that kind of friendship or closeness with someone now a days it always seems that people are so busy and wrapped up in them self's that they forget to keep friendships going.

Relationships take work so why do some many people think there easy, because there not, I mean do mari and I always agree, answer no not by a long shot but we do know enough to be honest and talk it out..why because were friends...

La Mari may not be going with me to Florida in person however what she does not know is she will be there is spirt and with her fabulousness...I will have my La Mari Hot line and she has a place to vacation when ever she wants..(she can bring the husband if she has to )

A good fag hag is hard to find so I thank the lord I found the best in Mrs...La Mari {fag Hag} flores-Garcia..

Home is wear the pookie is

What's interesting about this adventure I'm on with pookie is all the 1st time things were doing together, like moving across country, getting a puppy and finding a new apartment, but it's not any apartment it's our big boy home..

We feel like the years we have been together are years were we have grown and we have learned, but the best part is were doing it with each other all the way...yes we each have our own chapter to this storey we are writing but the best part is how we are making sure our stories are always part of each other..

It's an amazing feeling to me to have an amazing man like pookie do all this to bring me home to him, to build a life with him and always thinking about what will make me happy no matter if he thinks it's crazy or not..:)

Pookie told me tonight we may have found us a home and the grown up way we are speaking about this is amazing given how we were nine years ago, just two sexy homo's in love with out a care in the world.

now we talk about whether it has a place for a washer and dryer, what's the fridge like and do we have closet space..it's great...What's really fun is the fact that this place pookie found would allow me to paint, I mean man my inner fabulousness will spill out I mean I would have to control my self with this, but wow and what's funny is pookie laughs about it and says I'm cute, of course I hope he still feels like that when our living room is purple.

The one thing I know is that this will allow me to make pookie the most amazing home ever if I do say so my self..and of course I do....