Making a home never as easy as it looks

I know making a home is not an easy thing to do no matter who you are, or how you do it. I find living here in Florida in our new apartment is surreal at times, because when we lived in California it was very hard for us or better yet me to figure out how to make a home for us, now I know we are a couple and all decisions should be with us, however I do feel it is my job to make him a home he's proud of and can come home to and relax and De-stress..now do I expect that effect from him, no and it's not because I don't think it's something he can't do but it's something I don't expect him to do.

I know we are a team in what we do and how we do it, however that being said it was not till getting out here to Florida I have come to truly understand the role that the partner has to do to truly make a true partnership work and grow as it should..it seems to me at times that people don't seems to realize that relationships have UPS and Downs and with that the understanding that true work goes into make a life a home.

I want our home to be filled with love with laughter with good times and I know it will come sometimes with the bad, however I also know it will be up to me to make that choice on whether I will let the bad over whelmed the good at all times. I know it will take sometime before my home is ready but I do know that our home is underway to being the 1st step in the foundation that will be our future..

Time is like the taffy of our life

One thing I am noticing living here in Florida is I feel like My present and my past are one and the same. What I mean buy that is the fact that as my day goes on I can't help but wondering what's going on with both family and friends on the west coast..By that how are thing's in the past, while I am in the present, or better yet am I truly in the present while my mind is in the past.

I wish there was a book or someone you could talk to to help you understand the In's and the outs of for a better word starting a new life...also what no one can help you understand is with starting the new life do you have to leave the old completely behind or better yet were do you find the room for it. Also what are the rules or better yet are there rules that you need to live by.

I feel that in the present I am trying to find passion in my new life because I need to find understanding of what this new life is and what it means.

Time is neither friend nor foe I find but it is almost like a true lover who can gift you with a gentle kiss or a passionate embrace...Time is what we make of it and time is not written in what is to be, however time is what we make it to be and what it could be.

Nanna and the little burger

Over eighteen years ago my sister gifted our family with the 1st child to come to us from heaven...this little child with large black diamond eye's and a smile of cotton candy, a child who was surrounded with so much love that no child could have been more wanted or loved.

As this child has grown and blossomed like a true flower she has had laughter she has had tears, but what she has had more than anything else is Love and from that she gets an inner strength she has yet to truly tap into and find the inner depths of what she can do.

This child had a loss on her way to the start of woman hood, however even though she has had the loss of her nanna, this small ame slider has taken that to become a full and juicy burger with cheese and all the fixings.

This child this young woman, this princess is under way's to being a fabulous adult one who takes with her a nanna who loved her more that anything and if she could have gotten away with it, might have kept her, {to her mothers chagrin}

Now this former child, new young woman is dealing with the negativity the world can and often throw at you and thanks to all of the love she had is finding the skills she needs to take with her in to full adult hood to make sure she always knows her self worth and her true value..she always knows that who she is and what she will become will never depend on an out side source but will depend on what she believes with in her self.

This young woman this fabulous former child is a true star in the sky yet like most most star's she will just grow brighter and brighter for years because it will be a long time before this star no longer burns like she should, so the sky the universe is the limit my sweet sweet ame and remember always believe in what ever you do, because your family my love believes in you.

Learn it Live it.

It's funny to me some time's how everyday seems to be in away unreal, in fact more of that seems at times to come from the fact that I still have all my friends and family on the west cost, I'm learning about life and learning about people and what's funny in a strange way is feeling like I have to on a certain level be guarded and careful of making sure no one gets to close yet..I don't know why I feel like that but it feels on a certain level It's something I have to do for my self and use this as a tool to guard my self and be ready for what live has to offer.

What is interesting to me is people out here I will say that the more layed back attitude here seems to be for my liking and the sun the openness is great, I also feel safe which is saying allot for going from the west to the east cost at this age. This adventer would be better if I could have everyone here but hey you can't have everything can you.

I will say this I do wish pookie did not have to work so much cause it does get a little lonely however I do realize this is an amazing opportunity for him and even if I feel lonely I know that his heart is with me everyday...I know this adv enter is just getting started but what I take from this will be on me and no one else.

yummy yummy for my tummy

Food and I have had a adversarial relationship from the get go and what's worse is knowing that at time I see food as a shield to help me hide when I might be feeling over whelmed by life or what life decides to throw at me and whether or not I'm ready for what ever that might be. I know as a "fatty" or "big Girl" that we always find ways to cope with what ever may be bothering us no matter what the issue or situation that comes along...What I find interesting is that people who get along with food do not understand that eating as a drug vs. eating for hunger is a very different thing...who knows I maybe able to go to celebrity rehab one day and get this under control...but then again I may make the worlds best chief who knows....

when is it time to scream

This Florida adventure has it's UPS and it's Downs and no matter how much I wish other wise is not perfect...The part that I find not to be perfect is truly how much Pookie works and the fact he has a two mouth start on understanding the In's and the outs of living here on the east cost understanding here, I know it should not matter but on some level it does because I feel like I'm catching up with him and what he has gone and is going through. I find I miss more people than I thought I would because I had though that because I missed pookie so much that's all I would nee, however I find that it's more than that I miss more than people and to be honest missed seems like a word to not fully be able to explain what I am feeling..what is also strange is that I miss place's as well and event's as well...I know I will come to understand and I know I will become more comfortable with my new life/adventure, I know life is what we make of it however what I am still trying to decide is what I am trying to make at this point.

Your Never To Old to Grow

I have found over the Last few weeks I'm looking at my self in a truly different way, I'm looking at what makes me a person, what makes me a man, what makes me for not another word me.

I am looking at how to let negativity go and to learn to savor moments for what they are and not worry about what they should be. I find sometimes people worry way to much about what moments should be and just don't except them.

Today I had the pleasure to spend this Sunday with my best friend in the whole world, my La Mari, we did breakfast, we did a movie we did Costco and took a walk at an orange grove.

Spending time with my friend let's me relax and enjoy the day and always it helps me realize the day is not my right but a gift I was given by God...I have come to realize more and more lately there is a higher power that is directing me a little more than ever before with my life.

the biggest difference I see from now from when I was younger is the fact I am ready to listen and be thankful for what is happening in my and pookie's life.

I feel at thirty eight I can and should see life not as a challenge but as a glorious adventure I am able to go on with true love in my pocket and amazing friends at my back with loving family waiting in the wings....

I wonder sometimes why did I finally hear what needed to happen, why was I know Strong enough or humble enough to listen to my little bird...My answer I don't know but I am blessed that I finally have.

From climbing a tree to moving across the country I know that I can't let fear rule my life, because If I do then it stops being life....The fact is however long we are allowed to be on this plant in this world, we need to live every moment and never take that for granted, because I know there are people out there who would trade place's with any of us in a moment..

The Saying is we don't stop playing cause we grow old/ we grow old because we stop playing..I for one will play for as long as I can..