Friday, June 24, 2011

Understanding the true and hardest power to master

I find that at times understaning is the hardest thing to have in a relationship, because it call's for true unslelveshniss from one or both parts of the couple..I mean what do you do if you understand on some level you must play the supporting actor or sidekick to your partner because at this moment they have a chance to shine, and true love mean's giving your partner that chance so they have grow and learn and become what ever the next step for them is. I find that sometimes the person who is playing the back seat roll in fact has the harder role to play because there is no glory and attention, however you have to be fine with that knowing what your doing is very important in the long run.

When pookie and I made the desishion to come to florida I knew one major thing coming out here and that was a could not show fear I had to stand behind him and give him the courage I know he will need to be a success like I know he will be. I am human after all and I can't help the fact that at times I do feel a huge amount of envy and pride it's a very strange feeling at times makes me almost believe I'm dealing with sin, which in a strange way would be right because while I am feeling envy and sin I have love and lust for what he gift's me with..secerity and Life.

Some may think at times that I'm looking at life to old fasion in the way I take care of pookie and the things in my mind I feel are important to make sure I have done for him so that he can go forward and do what he needs to. Understanding is a heavy burddon to bear but I know one thing and maybe one thing only it's a burdon I must not only be willing to carry but find pride in carrying because I to am an important player in this story , while I am not be the hero the fact of the matter is the side kick does all he can to make the hero the star. So I know it's time to make my pookie shine all the time and however I can.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Loneliness is it a state of mind?

It's funny to me the longer we're here in Florida the more i find I keep looking at things that use to make me smile and laugh like i did as a kid. I find that I'm going on netflix and finding cartoon's and TV shows I use to watch, I do sometimes wonder if I'm doing this as a way to cope with my loneliness so that I can take it one moment at a time so I can deal with it in away that will allow me to not be over whelmed at any moment.

One thing I wish is that I knew someone who had already gone through this however I have to understand that everyone story is different and because of that, someone else who may have moved out here to east from west coast will not be going through the same things as I am.

Now what is funny is even though Pookie and I are both going through this at the same time, to tell the truth we are not, because he has a 2 month head start at understanding the different rules we now live under to a certain degree. I find now I have a certain amount of anger at times towards pookie even though I'm the one who told him to take this chance and go for it. I guess because I have no friends per say yet it makes it harder for me at times to understand what my new life has to offer and allow my self to step out of the fear and embrace this for what it is. The adventure of a life time.

the funny thing is as we get older we sometimes I believe thing that out time for adventure is over, I mean why not when we get a certain age were suppose to be settled and boring or so it seems, but why I bough in to this image is beyond me I mean what's wrong with making my own rules as we go along and decided for our self's what works and what does not work for us.. I

I know that dreams don't really die they do change and what my dreams's are now becoming I'm not 100% sure of however I do know this. I am very excited to ride the wave now just have to see were it takes me...:)