Fear of failure or scared to relax

This is my year of improvement, this is my year to make my self better and do the kind of work to 

make this happen up till now, I have failed to do. However the part in this whole journey that was not expected is that on top of this is that work has been thrown in the mix and having to really strip down what I need to do to make this business a true success. 

     During this I have found that because of what I believe has to be done and that I am the only one who can get stuff done, has put me in a position of being stressed and at times over whelmed. I am learning with the help of a wonderful therapist that it's OK to relax, it's OK to sometimes do nothing. I am learning were this is coming from, and allot if from the way I grew up. 

      The way we grew up there was always something to do, and because of that even on a day off I find that I try to pack my day with so much so I feel at the end of the day that I have gotten stuff done, but why? What is the point, what am I truly hopping to achieve with driving my self nut's because I do not want to relinquish control and have a fear of failing but if I'm trying am I failing? What I am trying to understand now is that with out hiding behind food I have to learn new ways of dealing with everything even my hubby, who I adore but lord help me I something could put threw a wall. I just have to realize that that's not wrong to feel like that sometimes. The fact that Marriage is work is something that I do understand and I want to do the work he's worth it and I'm worth it. I also think because I'm surrounded by people who are ending relationships I know I don't want to become complaisant with the fact that we have been together so long. I know life is what we make it, so I just need to keep up the wk I need to do not to fail and make my story what I want it to be.

Mental Tune-up

 I find it funny, well funny might be the wrong word, the correct word may be miss informed. It seems to me the stigma that people have at the idea of speaking to a therapist is so wrong. Why is it that if our computers need "tune-up" or "car's" why should it be any different with our minds?
  I currently made the choice this year to see a therapist for a "tune-up" and the progress has helped me start to learn many things about myself, also to help me learn what my triggers our and were my motivations come from. I am learning that in many ways I have used food as a form of self medication, when ever life got to hard. This makes me no different then any addict I am now learning how to work with this.
  The Mind and the power of the brain is a wonder to behold and what I am also finding is that the effects of our childhood does still come to effect us as we get older, and it's not only the scars but it's the cause and effect of what ever we go threw. I'm learning buy talking with a therapist that even at my age I can still grow, I can still learn I can still be better and I know that now that I'm married now that I have even more reason to dream and hope, I want every thing life has for me. I am also learning that life owes me nothing but damn I want everything it has for me.

Forever after

       What is forever after and most importantly what does it mean, I mean truly mean. Sometimes it seems that people are so easy to let relationships go because things have gotten more complicated than they were willing to deal with. What I find interesting is were is it written that relationships are easy, but more than that were is it written that u should ever settle for less than the 100% BAM of what love is and could be.   
        Should being with someone ever be because it's convenient or should it ever be because one person is having a baby. When do we stand up and say I DESERVE THE BEST!! I mean why is that wrong.
With love with a relationship should we not have a foundation of friendship and should we not have a way to always work to stay connected. I mean come on people it's work don't fool your self and better yet, remember to talk to your partner and let them know what's in you and make them tell u what's in them.
         As we age and grow yes lord we are going to change, but never ever should we get to a point were we became complacent with one another, every day there should still be some kind of laughter and some kind of smiles, I mean why not, why should there ever be a reason not to tease and smile and laugh. your story as a couple is written as you go. It's only complete if u want it to be and the truth or better yet the fact is that the best love stories never end, because they go through out time.