Friday, November 13, 2015

Changing the chapter

  Over the last few months life has changed and become strange and exciting and frustrating and weird and what have u, some of the things we have done together is decide to loose weight and to buy a house "I mean we are home owners how the hell did that happen" The weight has been an issue for awhile and because we were both expanding together it seemed harder to see the true effect it was having on us. Now through all this I have found that I my self am changing or growing or whatever the hell happens to an old homo :) I decided when the weight loss became a goal I needed to deal with more than just the weight but also deal the why and I mean why I was heavy, why I used food as my drug of choice and were that comes from. Well The journey is one I am still on and the layers of my inner self that I am still discovering is soo for a better word odd, and when I say that what I mean is the fact that at 43 I am now looking at my self and looking at my life and what I have been through and trying to decided how much of this story will I allow to be the true markers of who or better yet what I am. I am now looking at the next chapter of my life and at what that means for me as a man as a husband and hopefully one day a parent. So here's to the next chapter and here's to making every word of the next part of the story count.

Sunday, June 14, 2015

The rules

          Lately once more I have been reading the rules and the expectations that people seem to put on one another in regards to relationships and how they expect to conduct themselves with in one. Something I find very strange is the fact that so many don't seem to be in it for love or even like they seem more into it for what they can get out of the other, and to as why that I don't understand at all. 
         I mean I am in a relationship with a man and because of that we have to in many ways make up the rules of how we not only want our life's to be but how we will work as a team, to build our self's and lives. Something I do find interesting is when I hear someone of the "other" team talk about sleeping with someone that they don't even really like, now I don't for a moment want it to seem that I have never hooked up however unlike with a man and a woman I don't have to worry about getting pregnant.
         Knowing this and knowing that this act will in a way bind u to someone else forever why not do everything u can to  not to let this happen. Also what is so important about the role's and as to whom does what? What  is strange to me is that so many put so much on this, the wife must take care of her man, the husband must wk 80 hours a week I mean says who? 
    Yes way back in the day things were done a certain way because that is what worked, because that is how it had to be. The fact is no longer the fact is You have to talk, you have to make the decisions together because when all is said and done it's the two of u and u have to be able to talk and laugh and cry and smile.
        I don't for one moment think I have all the answers I usually feel I have more questions than anything else, but the fact is I know I have to ask those questions I have to have those fights I have to be willing to get ugly with my hubby to come out the other side. I so often looked at the relationship between my mother and dad and so much of the hurt and the pain they had with one another and the strange moments of joy and humor, but what I'm not sure of is were the foundation of the relationship came from? I knew one thing before all else I wanted someone who not only loved me but respected me and I them that is the true key we believe that with anything it's work however the fact is we believe the work is important and it's something we don't mind doing. 

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Diabetes Sucks

        OK let's just face it Diabetes sucks, however what's worse is that because of this illness if your heavy then people assume that you have only your self to blame and never for one moment think that this is something that has passed down with in your family.
 Now does this mean that if your heavy u have no responsibility for your health and for taking care of your self, the answer is no, it does not, what it does mean is that You must know about what your body is doing and why it's doing what it's doing. 
The other thing no one really helps u understand is all of the issue's that come with this illness from the need to take extra care of your feet to extra care of your eye's, also the fact that if your male and u enjoy sex, well Mr happy may not want to cooperate with you if your sugar level is two crazy. 
I mean come on if you know u have this illness do your research and realize that your life is no longer what it was, u have to make this a life event, you have to make it apart of you and not fight it because what is the point of that? 
What's the point of not wanting to make your legs work and move, as I am getting older now I am finding that at times my body feels like it just wants to sit and I know that that's a terrible idea because I start to hurt and I hate the feeling, so I get up I take what ever I need to, to keep moving and go to the gym and swim or I clean or walk I make my self live. 
I hope the next time someone knows someone with diabetes they realize this is no joke, this is not because of sugar this is not just carb's it's the whole thing. Hopeful people will say, hey let's move our butt's because I don't know about u but I'm not ready to just sit down yet.Life is not bad and I want to see some more of what it has to offer.