Wednesday, December 29, 2010
It's funny the "adventure pookie" and I are under going right now, funny in the way that we feel in many ways were closer than ever before...we feel connected we feel loved but most importantly we feel like we missed each other more than we ever thought we could or would.
What's strange is at time's people see a relationships between two men as something that only has to do with sex, that can't be about love or passion, the fact is pookie and I have found a bound that let's us share moments like cracks of time, that will forever be ours and no one Else's.
We fantasise about holding one another, about kissing one another, but more than anything else walking with one another sharing moments...
Pookie's birthday in 2010 was a great and funny time, because for the 1st time we had a "grown" up day, what I mean by that is we took a day trip to San Diego for pookie's birthday, we walked around Old Town, we walked around North beach, we saw a snookie look alike, as well as a huge drunk dog in front of a bar.
what I mean is we made memories, and shared moments, we had smiles and we held hands...being together means loving outside of the bedroom as well as in it, and that being the case Knowing that I have been blessed to have a man who thinks about being with me 40 years from now, means I'm doing something right.
Do I think about money, jewels cars, no not like that, I think about silly things that sparkle and make me laugh but more than anything else I think about this man who likes watching crappy TV with me, sharing spot and making fun of me as I deal with my cafe or Farm, the MAN who even when I just hear a joke and still tell it wrong will laugh his head off cause he liked the fact I tried....
What do I have, love, the movie Love the book love, the song love, but more than anything else I just have the Love and not one thing could I ask for more than that.....
Friday, December 24, 2010
Over 12 years ago I had the pleasure of meeting the craziest most wonderful woman I have ever had the pleasure to know and most importantly be friends with. This Woman has a class mate with me in a sign language class, one that brought to us much laughter memories and good times.
This woman is someone who became the keeper of my secrets the wiper at times of my tears and the sharer of my laughter..someone who was able to meet my beautiful mother before she passed there by understanding my crazy just a wee bit more than others could or would.
This is the woman who when I met the love of my life, like a momma lion protecting her momo was very weary until this man proved to her he would keep my hart safe and there by letting her relax some what..
This Amazing woman never judge's never criticises but always speaks with and from the place of love. This woman my
To Mari I can never repay you for all your love, for all your time and for all your wisdom, I love you La Mari....Hope you always know.....
Thursday, December 23, 2010
It's strange to me the reaction you can get from people when they know you miss someone, almost as if it's the reciting of a curse yet to be..Why is missing someone the one way to make people in many ways run for the hill's?
I know of people who have been separated from the loves of there life's from death, or war, theses are hero's, people who fined the streghten to go on and wake every day, to never give up..however let theses people tell the story of who they are separated from there loved one's then they may become the unwanted guess at the party, the one's who are invited but you pray won't come.
I am at this moment apart from the love of my life and even though some can not believe it, I'm not trilled, I don't want to enjoy the Peace and quite, nor use this as an opportunity to do what I "want".
Missing someone is not a "get out of jail" free card, it's just that, missing someone...right now I am happy knowing my Pookie is laying his head to pillow and going to dream land with thoughts of me and our love as his blanket..for that I am trilled/blessed/ please, there are not enough words to use to express this motion, but I am feeling the same for him...to miss someone is not a shine of weakness but a sign of power, power in the fact that you were once blessed enough to share your hart with someone as it should and always will be.
Monday, December 20, 2010
What I find interesting working retail is the fact I can see some wonderful things in people but I also see some of the worse, now one of the things I feel really fall's in this category is the fact that I see soooooo many women who bad mouth there men, just beat them down in a way that I wonder why, why are these people together??
Many time's you can watch TV or read a magazine and all you hear is how men are dogs men are pig's blah blah blah, now yes Men are not perfect but neither are women, why people don't understand that is a very strange fact..People in general who come together always seem to believe that becoming a couple is sugar and spice and every thing nice, why don't people believe that a relationship is worth working for..why don't we believe that finding the magic to stay together is worth it.
As a Gay man people always seem to think that two guys would be so much easier than a straight couple, however that's not true..be it Gay or Straight it takes work and time...
I have Learned being with this wonderful man of mine that no matter what, I have to allow him to be just that" MY MAN", I don't try to change him to make him something he's not nor could be, based on the fact that I just plan like him as he is. I find my self in aw of this man of mine and who is becoming which to me is pure fabulousness.
Let your man be that, let him spoil you if he wants, take care of you if he can, but remember it's a two way street, if you want to have a man who treats you like royalty remember you need to take care of your man as well. Respect, love, Like is a two way street, hopeful more people learn to drive a straight line...
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Do true love stories really ever have an ending, I mean think of the classic love stories of our time, do they stand up to the world no matter when there told?? See like most of us I to always wanted to be in love and I to imagined it would be so magical exciting...That was the illusion of what I thought Love was...what I learned nine years ago is what love is, someone who things about you before them selves or even on days when you feel your worse seem to still find you beautiful and breathtaking.
When all these couple are breaking up, giving up, I always have to wonder, why, why are they giving up, what is it that happen in there life to turn the love to sour milk...do people even have that power that drive anymore knowing that they can get out if it gets to hard..I wonder about that.
Very early in our relationship pookie and I took that option off the table, there was no giving up if "things got hard" why did we do that because we knew we wanted to be together no matter what, we just knew we needed to make those rules our self and not worry about what the outside world thinks..
Imagine if you will taking the time to really look at the partner and see more that "sex" more that physical, see them for who they are..One thing I find very funny is seeing this man who I have the pleasure to love growing older and becoming so wiser, becoming a man who is my man. I love his sarcastic humor even when I scold him I find I can't stay mad long and that's fine..
I feel our love story still has sooo many more chapters to write and I know that the day one of us is ready to cross into the next world the other will be holding there hand and making them laugh,so that with a smile and a giggle into the next life we can use that to comfort ourselves until the other joins them.....
Do I think i have a romantic Story with my pookie...well yes of course I do but how can I not being lucking enough to be with my best friend after all Love/Like as far as I'm concerned go hand in hand.......
I find it funny to look at Christmas's through the eye's of an adult when at times I feel like I have the soul of a child. When I look at Christmas's now I find my self a little sad at the fact that the magic and the innocence I looked at Christmas's as a child is gone.
I remember watching Santa and the tree bears or yogi's 1st Christmas's I remember opening presents Christmas's eve yet all that seems gone.
Working retail I see the worst in people and I see people who put them self's in depth for what to buy gifts that people won't remember the next year, and why is that why do we do it. I mean fine gifts are great but when there is no love or meaning behind them then what's the point. When your only buying something for someone because they bought you something I think that's a problem, why not gift that person your time or something funny or silly that has a meaning to the two of you...
Christmas should be a time of togetherness and love, not OH GOD NOW I HAVE TO GO TO THE MALL.....
Pookie and I exchange presents like any couple but it's more fun to be silly and kid like to give each other a toy, or a graphic novel, heck we started our own tradition of buying a gift for our self's from the other so that we could do, " how did you know" that's magic , that's funny that's love.....I feel people have forgotten how to start tradition's because it's to involved but I say get involved be present in your life because when it's over will people remember you or not?
I really do hope this Christmas's season we all take a moment to realize that Life, that love is more than gifts, it's the magic of Time and togetherness can u really put a price on that.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Love is a word with more power than most. what's interesting about this word is what it means and more importantly who is saying it with what meaning. Love the word that many people will tell one another to get what they want, however what I have to sometimes wonder is do the people who say this word really know what it means and the true power it has..If you read stories about magic and Merlin, wizards and witch's you learn words have power, what I have to wonder is who truly understand the power and the magic of the word..LOVE...
Here is some back story, around September I took my pookie to San Diego for the day for his birthday for a day trip...while in San Diego we went to old town were we came across an art fair among other things. while exploring the fair we came upon a booth of glass art and among all the sparkles and twinkles my eye caught a puzzle piece blown from glass made with color's that seem to change with each movement..something so interesting that when my Pookie saw me looking at it once he knew I was caught he bought it for me while letting me know this was the Missing Piece of my mind..:)
To me moments like this are moments of true love that couple's share that many will never understand...My beloved pookie has had to go to Florida for work and taken my hart with him :( however What I realized is that I needed to send with him a charm of luck something he only has to see or touch he will know at that moment my love is with him...so the day I took him to the fly-away with tears in our eye's and a kiss on our lips I gave him a card with a note of love ( not to be read in front of me)...off my king goes...while sitting in the forecourt of LAX he reads my note of love only to discover My missing Piece with in his card with a note telling him I send this with u my love for luck and support even though I can't be with u yet, I am with u with in hart and soul, so when you return to my arm's I will then and only then retrieve my missing Piece from u with a new understanding of what it truly mean.....Love not easy however when u find that person that makes u stronger, that makes you better and more that let's u dream, that is the true Missing Piece of love that all if god allows will one day find.......