Wednesday, December 29, 2010

What's real romance what's real Love.

It's funny the "adventure pookie" and I are under going right now, funny in the way that we feel in many ways were closer than ever before...we feel connected we feel loved but most importantly we feel like we missed each other more than we ever thought we could or would.

What's strange is at time's people see a relationships between two men as something that only has to do with sex, that can't be about love or passion, the fact is pookie and I have found a bound that let's us share moments like cracks of time, that will forever be ours and no one Else's.

We fantasise about holding one another, about kissing one another, but more than anything else walking with one another sharing moments...

Pookie's birthday in 2010 was a great and funny time, because for the 1st time we had a "grown" up day, what I mean by that is we took a day trip to San Diego for pookie's birthday, we walked around Old Town, we walked around North beach, we saw a snookie look alike, as well as a huge drunk dog in front of a bar.

what I mean is we made memories, and shared moments, we had smiles and we held hands...being together means loving outside of the bedroom as well as in it, and that being the case Knowing that I have been blessed to have a man who thinks about being with me 40 years from now, means I'm doing something right.

Do I think about money, jewels cars, no not like that, I think about silly things that sparkle and make me laugh but more than anything else I think about this man who likes watching crappy TV with me, sharing spot and making fun of me as I deal with my cafe or Farm, the MAN who even when I just hear a joke and still tell it wrong will laugh his head off cause he liked the fact I tried....

What do I have, love, the movie Love the book love, the song love, but more than anything else I just have the Love and not one thing could I ask for more than that.....

Friday, December 24, 2010

La Mari

Over 12 years ago I had the pleasure of meeting the craziest most wonderful woman I have ever had the pleasure to know and most importantly be friends with. This Woman has a class mate with me in a sign language class, one that brought to us much laughter memories and good times.

This woman is someone who became the keeper of my secrets the wiper at times of my tears and the sharer of my laughter..someone who was able to meet my beautiful mother before she passed there by understanding my crazy just a wee bit more than others could or would.

This is the woman who when I met the love of my life, like a momma lion protecting her momo was very weary until this man proved to her he would keep my hart safe and there by letting her relax some what..

This Amazing woman never judge's never criticises but always speaks with and from the place of love. This woman my the woman who I feel in many ways closer to almost anyone, this woman I hopes knows that what ever the journey my life is suppose to under-go, what ever the next chapter has in store for me...she will always be my "Mari" and yes with distance will come some pain, but My Mari knows that I will now and forever be her "Homo Juan Koniobi"...

To Mari I can never repay you for all your love, for all your time and for all your wisdom, I love you La Mari....Hope you always know.....

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Why is missing someone wrong

It's strange to me the reaction you can get from people when they know you miss someone, almost as if it's the reciting of a curse yet to be..Why is missing someone the one way to make people in many ways run for the hill's?

I know of people who have been separated from the loves of there life's from death, or war, theses are hero's, people who fined the streghten to go on and wake every day, to never give up..however let theses people tell the story of who they are separated from there loved one's then they may become the unwanted guess at the party, the one's who are invited but you pray won't come.

I am at this moment apart from the love of my life and even though some can not believe it, I'm not trilled, I don't want to enjoy the Peace and quite, nor use this as an opportunity to do what I "want".

Missing someone is not a "get out of jail" free card, it's just that, missing someone...right now I am happy knowing my Pookie is laying his head to pillow and going to dream land with thoughts of me and our love as his blanket..for that I am trilled/blessed/ please, there are not enough words to use to express this motion, but I am feeling the same for miss someone is not a shine of weakness but a sign of power, power in the fact that you were once blessed enough to share your hart with someone as it should and always will be.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Let your man be a Man

What I find interesting working retail is the fact I can see some wonderful things in people but I also see some of the worse, now one of the things I feel really fall's in this category is the fact that I see soooooo many women who bad mouth there men, just beat them down in a way that I wonder why, why are these people together??

Many time's you can watch TV or read a magazine and all you hear is how men are dogs men are pig's blah blah blah, now yes Men are not perfect but neither are women, why people don't understand that is a very strange fact..People in general who come together always seem to believe that becoming a couple is sugar and spice and every thing nice, why don't people believe that a relationship is worth working for..why don't we believe that finding the magic to stay together is worth it.

As a Gay man people always seem to think that two guys would be so much easier than a straight couple, however that's not it Gay or Straight it takes work and time...

I have Learned being with this wonderful man of mine that no matter what, I have to allow him to be just that" MY MAN", I don't try to change him to make him something he's not nor could be, based on the fact that I just plan like him as he is. I find my self in aw of this man of mine and who is becoming which to me is pure fabulousness.

Let your man be that, let him spoil you if he wants, take care of you if he can, but remember it's a two way street, if you want to have a man who treats you like royalty remember you need to take care of your man as well. Respect, love, Like is a two way street, hopeful more people learn to drive a straight line...

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Never ending Story

Do true love stories really ever have an ending, I mean think of the classic love stories of our time, do they stand up to the world no matter when there told?? See like most of us I to always wanted to be in love and I to imagined it would be so magical exciting...That was the illusion of what I thought Love was...what I learned nine years ago is what love is, someone who things about you before them selves or even on days when you feel your worse seem to still find you beautiful and breathtaking.

When all these couple are breaking up, giving up, I always have to wonder, why, why are they giving up, what is it that happen in there life to turn the love to sour people even have that power that drive anymore knowing that they can get out if it gets to hard..I wonder about that.

Very early in our relationship pookie and I took that option off the table, there was no giving up if "things got hard" why did we do that because we knew we wanted to be together no matter what, we just knew we needed to make those rules our self and not worry about what the outside world thinks..

Imagine if you will taking the time to really look at the partner and see more that "sex" more that physical, see them for who they are..One thing I find very funny is seeing this man who I have the pleasure to love growing older and becoming so wiser, becoming a man who is my man. I love his sarcastic humor even when I scold him I find I can't stay mad long and that's fine..

I feel our love story still has sooo many more chapters to write and I know that the day one of us is ready to cross into the next world the other will be holding there hand and making them laugh,so that with a smile and a giggle into the next life we can use that to comfort ourselves until the other joins them.....

Do I think i have a romantic Story with my pookie...well yes of course I do but how can I not being lucking enough to be with my best friend after all Love/Like as far as I'm concerned go hand in hand.......

Charlie brown has nothing On me.

I find it funny to look at Christmas's through the eye's of an adult when at times I feel like I have the soul of a child. When I look at Christmas's now I find my self a little sad at the fact that the magic and the innocence I looked at Christmas's as a child is gone.

I remember watching Santa and the tree bears or yogi's 1st Christmas's I remember opening presents Christmas's eve yet all that seems gone.

Working retail I see the worst in people and I see people who put them self's in depth for what to buy gifts that people won't remember the next year, and why is that why do we do it. I mean fine gifts are great but when there is no love or meaning behind them then what's the point. When your only buying something for someone because they bought you something I think that's a problem, why not gift that person your time or something funny or silly that has a meaning to the two of you...

Christmas should be a time of togetherness and love, not OH GOD NOW I HAVE TO GO TO THE MALL.....

Pookie and I exchange presents like any couple but it's more fun to be silly and kid like to give each other a toy, or a graphic novel, heck we started our own tradition of buying a gift for our self's from the other so that we could do, " how did you know" that's magic , that's funny that's love.....I feel people have forgotten how to start tradition's because it's to involved but I say get involved be present in your life because when it's over will people remember you or not?

I really do hope this Christmas's season we all take a moment to realize that Life, that love is more than gifts, it's the magic of Time and togetherness can u really put a price on that.

Monday, December 13, 2010

My missing Piece

Love is a word with more power than most. what's interesting about this word is what it means and more importantly who is saying it with what meaning. Love the word that many people will tell one another to get what they want, however what I have to sometimes wonder is do the people who say this word really know what it means and the true power it has..If you read stories about magic and Merlin, wizards and witch's you learn words have power, what I have to wonder is who truly understand the power and the magic of the word..LOVE...

Here is some back story, around September I took my pookie to San Diego for the day for his birthday for a day trip...while in San Diego we went to old town were we came across an art fair among other things. while exploring the fair we came upon a booth of glass art and among all the sparkles and twinkles my eye caught a puzzle piece blown from glass made with color's that seem to change with each movement..something so interesting that when my Pookie saw me looking at it once he knew I was caught he bought it for me while letting me know this was the Missing Piece of my mind..:)

To me moments like this are moments of true love that couple's share that many will never understand...My beloved pookie has had to go to Florida for work and taken my hart with him :( however What I realized is that I needed to send with him a charm of luck something he only has to see or touch he will know at that moment my love is with the day I took him to the fly-away with tears in our eye's and a kiss on our lips I gave him a card with a note of love ( not to be read in front of me) my king goes...while sitting in the forecourt of LAX he reads my note of love only to discover My missing Piece with in his card with a note telling him I send this with u my love for luck and support even though I can't be with u yet, I am with u with in hart and soul, so when you return to my arm's I will then and only then retrieve my missing Piece from u with a new understanding of what it truly mean.....Love not easy however when u find that person that makes u stronger, that makes you better and more that let's u dream, that is the true Missing Piece of love that all if god allows will one day find.......

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Coming Out, true love and a gift.

it's funny I just saw The Ricky Martin story on Oprah and it just reminded me how coming out is the most important and scariest thing you can do in your life. A lot of people I don't believe truly understand the road of discovery you go through to come to the understanding of whom you truly are...we take for granted as we grow up to adult hood how we are suppose to find love and make a life with someone...what's so strange to me is that when so many people are soooo lonely why should we stop anyone who's lucky enough to find seems like a gift that so many have yet to find.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010


It's funny to me that we live in a world with so much anger and hate and even though all that is going on I have been lucky enough to have found the love of my life. Today is my pookie's birthday and what is so amazing to me is that I keep falling in love with him every day but what's even better is I really like him. I like him as a person as a man, yes he's silly to me but he makes me laugh allot..I feel thankful to him parents for having him and I thank god for making him....My pookie the love of my life The man who I love the person who I will love to grow old with..and more important the man who will be holding my hand when it's my time to go to heaven were I will wait for him till we can be together once more....I wish more people believed in the magic not only of love but of like because Like is the true magic we never see.
So today happy happy birthday to my beloved pookie I love ya with all my hart.

Love Juan P. Rosales (Carrillo) Jr

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

never giving up

I never understand the people who have been with someone for a short time and then break up over something like (we can't get along) what does that mean, it would seem to me that if you have made the choice or have the desire to be with someone you have to make the decision to be with that someone, to understand the someone to love that someone but the most important thing I can say is do u "LIKE" that person...i think that's the important question to ask..because when the passion that u believe has faded what's left, is this the person u want to go to a movie with hang out with watch a funny movie with ask those questions and see what your answer will be

Tuesday, August 10, 2010


It's funny to me after all these years still realizing I get excited when I know I'm going to see pookie, when I know he's coming's funny and sometimes sad to be knowing there are couple's out there who don't feel that excitement over each other, the reason's there together I don't know but what ever there reason is, is a reason that should be respected ti them as a couple. I guess I'm lucky to still have those flip flops going on over my "old man" hee hee even though he's younger than me..ha ha ha

Monday, August 2, 2010

Big Boy

As someone who has always been a big guy and come's from a family that's large, I am finding it crazy all the show's on tv right now about big portion's of food or food contest I mean we hear all the time people saying our society is heaver than it has ever been before but if we keep making things bigger and deep frying everything not nailed down I mean really what do we exspect..the old saying is that we are what we eat however if were eating 5 pounds of grilled cheese what do we exspect

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Then, Now and yet to be.

I find it funny in life how you never realize till something major happens how important or better yet how amazing life truly is. I've been a comic collector sense I was ye hi to a grass of my favorite character's is and has been the formal triplicate girl...what I find deep is the fact here you have a hero who could become tree people and over time she has lost two body's and still finds the inner streght the inner courage to go on...while we go through the stage's in our life how do we find the spirt we need to always go through what ever life trows at us. maybe that's what defined's a hero...just not giving up no matter what happens. Maybe then we truly learn how to fly

Monday, June 21, 2010

Past, present, future

When u think about life do u see it as a line of logic or do u see it as a stream like water that's ever changing, when u look at life what is strange is if we could find our stream would we change it if we could or do we look at the river or lake our stream has become as what we are suppose to be. Are we a mighty water fall or a trickling stream. Many people like to play that game of what would we do if we could change something and if we could what would we change and how would we choose what it would be. Let the river flow and let time be what ever it is, is what it is meant to be....

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Fear the mask of truth

Fear the four letter word that has more power than anything out their. I mean when we Say Fear it means's all theses different things and it Say's so much about us, however it's also misleading as hell...To say I have fear is hard to admit but it's also one of the aspect's I have that makes me the man I am. It shows I have streghten and courage yet, scared out of my mind. There is a line in a movie that Say's " have u ever had a secret you just couldn't tell anyone" do we not tell the secret because we don't want to or because were afraid of the reaction that will be given if we let down our guard and let people truly see us with out the mask we use in our every day life. Fear the mask we hide behind, Fear the secret we can't tell, Fear the truth, no bigger word can ever be used. Or ever shall be used in our life's.

Monday, June 14, 2010


Yesterday was the 40Th Gay pride and this year I was able to walk in the parade with the NOH8 group with my pookie, it's funny I'm at an age were I like so many of us have seen the cival right fights that so many people had to go thought to get the Rights's that are theirs and by Rights's that's just what I mean Rights's. When we Take rights's away from people for what ever Small minded reason we think we have, we are showing the world that we hate and with hate in our hart how can we be the people we are meant to be. Right now the fight for Marriage is a right and what I mean by that is with so Many "Straight Marriage" failing what is Wrong with people who really and truly want to spend their life's together...How is that wrong, why is that bad, and the answer that people give of the bible is not an answer No one can yet tell me why allowing same sex marriage will hurt society..maybe soon people will just realize Love is Love no matter what. I'm Blessed to be with the most wonderful man in the world and I know he's wonderful because GoD sent him to me, so to all of u who say Gay's can be in real relationship's...well sorry for ya cause this is real baby so :P

Thursday, June 10, 2010


Sometimes it seam's people don't understand the importance of maintaining friendships and the work that goes into them..We have friends who we use as sounding boards when we have issue's and when we have problem's there our date's out when we have no date to speak of yet we for get like any relationship they need time, they need love they need attention because when they don't have that how do u help them grow and become what ever there meant to be. Are friends the one's who we call to bitch to or are they the one's who are there when were falling apart...Are they their with smile's or only with tear's. mnay people believe friendship's are effortless the truth is with out effort there will be no reward.

Home vs. house

It's funny right now pookie and I may have a chance to rent a house and It's an interesting idea, we've been together for almost nine years and with that the life we have built together and what that means's to us. I was taught by my mother that when u 1st move into a new house u have to cook something in the kitchen. The reason how else to you turn a house into a home with out warming it's heart 1st.
It does not matter whether children are with in the home or not but whether it's heart is warm, so many people seem to believe that your "Home" needs to be perfect not a thing out of place but that being the case perfection is an illusion one that at time's we need to shatter to make the reality what it needs to be...near perfection and in many case's that's better than most.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


Weather it's physical health or mental health gay men have to remember to take care of our self's, we in someways skate the world of the in between of both masculine and femine and based on that we have a responsibility to our self's and to others to always take care of our self's to the best of our power...we are the shaman's of the world and as such we need to be in charge of the spirt and the soul of the world as we see it to be..


The funny thing about confidence is finding the inner power to be strong and sure of your self. Mo matter what your going through no matter what's happening to you. Now the funny thing about being self confident is not being cocky,however how do you find the balance with in your self to be true to what you are and what u will be.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

plantet of the homo's

Some wonder were homo's come from ,are we grown born that way, or do we learn it, the answer we come from the Plant of the homo's it's a world called fabulous 1 in the galaxy of sparkle, we are located next to the plant de-po birth place of the lesbian,s, however what is wonderful about our worlds is you can love whom ever u want with no judgement to hurt no pain, no one taking your love as a weapon to use against u as a way to make u feel like less of a person. children are loved and cared for and whether they are gay,lesbians or humans they are never jugged and always loved....doesn't this sound like a dream world to bad we can't be on a world more like this....maybe we'll learn one day.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010


It's funny that thinking sometimes when were younger we have so many dreams, I mean we dream, dreams that we never think can't happen. Whats really funny about dreams is that when we get older we forget it's o.k to still have those dreams. sure what we do is change them to make them more to our liking and ability but we still have to remember we have them and it's ok to do what we can to make them happen.

I dream of writing a book and getting married of have a sweet townhouse or maybe a little house with pookie and more than anything else just being happy. Of staring my own design firm and going back to school of just being healthy..Dreams are like that like the sweetest candy the coldest drink or better yet the most magical kiss. They become real when we put in the magic needed to make them happen as only we can.

Monday, May 17, 2010


it's very funny to me the reaction that "straight people" have to a "Gay Relationship" their are all kinds of idea's that seem to come out to what a relationship is and what are the rules to one, however who makes these rules. I am tired of people saying church, or a "real relationship has to be one that can produce children. That alone will take sooo many couple's out of the equation. I wish I understood why we can't be happy for one another and just be glade that people have found the gift of love. Let's face it that's what love is a gift not a right and if u have been lucky to find it be blessed.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Wiccan wondering

They say often that books are the key to knowledge. However if thats true why do so many de-value what the wiccan faith have to offer. I mean here is a written history that in many case's and many family's has been passed down for years, based on the fact it does not follow a christian believe, it's called (evil or hookey) I wonder why that it. When u look at a bible you see story's that are passed down from one to another and what is a prayer but a chant I mean what is the true difference..I wish that someone could exsplan that to me. should it not be more important to believe in a higher power, to be a person who has faith no matter what it is, why should it be sooooo important what shape that faith take's..

Blessed Be

Monday, April 5, 2010

38 and loving Sponge BoB

why when we get to be a ceartian age are we exspected to give up our toy's our joy our laughter, What's funny to me is that a few mounth's ago I started watching Sponge Bob and I have to say it's funny as hell, I have found a child like Joy that at time's I had thought I had lost, and it's so funny to me to know that I still have that power or better yet that gift still and to me it help's make my heart smile with a pure magical joy.


It's very Strange to me to work for a company sence 2005 and never get a good review no matter what u do no matter how hard u work..Theses company's out there are having trouble getting loyal employee's because they seem to do nothing but beat u down thinking thats a way to motavate you and push u forward to become who they think you should be.

What's very nice is the thing that I have a wonderful boyfriend/husband who is there to give me support and love and most of all understanding.

That's all I can say right now...

Monday, March 29, 2010

The Trurh

This is My 1st try at Blog writing and to tell u the truth I don't know if anyone will read this but I wanted them to see for them selfs that romance knows no limit's to how it come's about. If your lucky enoufe to find love never let it go because it's a gift u may never get back.

It's funny to me the way so many people believe that what defines a relationships is what a person has between their legs and not what they have in their hart, why is that I wonder? I mean I always thought the true sign of a relationship was weather or not two people decided to share their life's together, the good the bad the up's the down's. How is that different depending on weather your a man and a woman or a same sex couple.
When I met Pookie in 2001 I was coming out of a huge dating slump and was 100% convinced I would be alone for the rest of my life that no one would love me, then I met him, Pookie handsome smart funny, however I just wanted to be friends because relationships just did not work for me and I did not want to get hurt once more I just could not take it. however friends is what we became but just friends at 1st and it was great little did I know what the future had planed......