Thursday, October 23, 2014

Fear of failure or scared to relax

This is my year of improvement, this is my year to make my self better and do the kind of work to 
make this happen up till now, I have failed to do. However the part in this whole journey that was not expected is that on top of this is that work has been thrown in the mix and having to really strip down what I need to do to make this business a true success. 
     During this I have found that because of what I believe has to be done and that I am the only one who can get stuff done, has put me in a position of being stressed and at times over whelmed. I am learning with the help of a wonderful therapist that it's OK to relax, it's OK to sometimes do nothing. I am learning were this is coming from, and allot if from the way I grew up. 
      The way we grew up there was always something to do, and because of that even on a day off I find that I try to pack my day with so much so I feel at the end of the day that I have gotten stuff done, but why? What is the point, what am I truly hopping to achieve with driving my self nut's because I do not want to relinquish control and have a fear of failing but if I'm trying am I failing? What I am trying to understand now is that with out hiding behind food I have to learn new ways of dealing with everything even my hubby, who I adore but lord help me I something could put threw a wall. I just have to realize that that's not wrong to feel like that sometimes. The fact that Marriage is work is something that I do understand and I want to do the work he's worth it and I'm worth it. I also think because I'm surrounded by people who are ending relationships I know I don't want to become complaisant with the fact that we have been together so long. I know life is what we make it, so I just need to keep up the wk I need to do not to fail and make my story what I want it to be.

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