Understanding the true and hardest power to master

I find that at times understaning is the hardest thing to have in a relationship, because it call's for true unslelveshniss from one or both parts of the couple..I mean what do you do if you understand on some level you must play the supporting actor or sidekick to your partner because at this moment they have a chance to shine, and true love mean's giving your partner that chance so they have grow and learn and become what ever the next step for them is. I find that sometimes the person who is playing the back seat roll in fact has the harder role to play because there is no glory and attention, however you have to be fine with that knowing what your doing is very important in the long run.

When pookie and I made the desishion to come to florida I knew one major thing coming out here and that was a could not show fear I had to stand behind him and give him the courage I know he will need to be a success like I know he will be. I am human after all and I can't help the fact that at times I do feel a huge amount of envy and pride it's a very strange feeling at times makes me almost believe I'm dealing with sin, which in a strange way would be right because while I am feeling envy and sin I have love and lust for what he gift's me with..secerity and Life.

Some may think at times that I'm looking at life to old fasion in the way I take care of pookie and the things in my mind I feel are important to make sure I have done for him so that he can go forward and do what he needs to. Understanding is a heavy burddon to bear but I know one thing and maybe one thing only it's a burdon I must not only be willing to carry but find pride in carrying because I to am an important player in this story , while I am not be the hero the fact of the matter is the side kick does all he can to make the hero the star. So I know it's time to make my pookie shine all the time and however I can.

Loneliness is it a state of mind?

It's funny to me the longer we're here in Florida the more i find I keep looking at things that use to make me smile and laugh like i did as a kid. I find that I'm going on netflix and finding cartoon's and TV shows I use to watch, I do sometimes wonder if I'm doing this as a way to cope with my loneliness so that I can take it one moment at a time so I can deal with it in away that will allow me to not be over whelmed at any moment.

One thing I wish is that I knew someone who had already gone through this however I have to understand that everyone story is different and because of that, someone else who may have moved out here to east from west coast will not be going through the same things as I am.

Now what is funny is even though Pookie and I are both going through this at the same time, to tell the truth we are not, because he has a 2 month head start at understanding the different rules we now live under to a certain degree. I find now I have a certain amount of anger at times towards pookie even though I'm the one who told him to take this chance and go for it. I guess because I have no friends per say yet it makes it harder for me at times to understand what my new life has to offer and allow my self to step out of the fear and embrace this for what it is. The adventure of a life time.

the funny thing is as we get older we sometimes I believe thing that out time for adventure is over, I mean why not when we get a certain age were suppose to be settled and boring or so it seems, but why I bough in to this image is beyond me I mean what's wrong with making my own rules as we go along and decided for our self's what works and what does not work for us.. I

I know that dreams don't really die they do change and what my dreams's are now becoming I'm not 100% sure of however I do know this. I am very excited to ride the wave now just have to see were it takes me...:)

Dream, wish laugh never stop

It's funny to me at times the thing's I can hear people say when they think I'm not listening..if you ever want to learn about people listen to what they are truly saying at times. I always hear people complaining about what life "Owes them" vs. what they can do for them self's and for life.

I'm learning so much about my self with this move to the east coast vs. living on the west coast..I have learned that creating a new life for pookie and my self means being braver than I though possible, however I am also learning that I need to make sure before I get in to a point of complaining about life I realize Life is pretty good..

I have known people who have fought off cancer and have dealt with HIV people who find the smile's and the dreams that life still have to offer and never seem to see the shadow's life can have at time's...

Life is what we make of it, life is full of dreams that have yet to come true, so what we do in a moment with these dream's with these's wish's is in many ways a defining moment to who and what we will be.

Making a home never as easy as it looks

I know making a home is not an easy thing to do no matter who you are, or how you do it. I find living here in Florida in our new apartment is surreal at times, because when we lived in California it was very hard for us or better yet me to figure out how to make a home for us, now I know we are a couple and all decisions should be with us, however I do feel it is my job to make him a home he's proud of and can come home to and relax and De-stress..now do I expect that effect from him, no and it's not because I don't think it's something he can't do but it's something I don't expect him to do.

I know we are a team in what we do and how we do it, however that being said it was not till getting out here to Florida I have come to truly understand the role that the partner has to do to truly make a true partnership work and grow as it should..it seems to me at times that people don't seems to realize that relationships have UPS and Downs and with that the understanding that true work goes into make a life a home.

I want our home to be filled with love with laughter with good times and I know it will come sometimes with the bad, however I also know it will be up to me to make that choice on whether I will let the bad over whelmed the good at all times. I know it will take sometime before my home is ready but I do know that our home is underway to being the 1st step in the foundation that will be our future..

Time is like the taffy of our life

One thing I am noticing living here in Florida is I feel like My present and my past are one and the same. What I mean buy that is the fact that as my day goes on I can't help but wondering what's going on with both family and friends on the west coast..By that how are thing's in the past, while I am in the present, or better yet am I truly in the present while my mind is in the past.

I wish there was a book or someone you could talk to to help you understand the In's and the outs of for a better word starting a new life...also what no one can help you understand is with starting the new life do you have to leave the old completely behind or better yet were do you find the room for it. Also what are the rules or better yet are there rules that you need to live by.

I feel that in the present I am trying to find passion in my new life because I need to find understanding of what this new life is and what it means.

Time is neither friend nor foe I find but it is almost like a true lover who can gift you with a gentle kiss or a passionate embrace...Time is what we make of it and time is not written in what is to be, however time is what we make it to be and what it could be.

Nanna and the little burger

Over eighteen years ago my sister gifted our family with the 1st child to come to us from heaven...this little child with large black diamond eye's and a smile of cotton candy, a child who was surrounded with so much love that no child could have been more wanted or loved.

As this child has grown and blossomed like a true flower she has had laughter she has had tears, but what she has had more than anything else is Love and from that she gets an inner strength she has yet to truly tap into and find the inner depths of what she can do.

This child had a loss on her way to the start of woman hood, however even though she has had the loss of her nanna, this small ame slider has taken that to become a full and juicy burger with cheese and all the fixings.

This child this young woman, this princess is under way's to being a fabulous adult one who takes with her a nanna who loved her more that anything and if she could have gotten away with it, might have kept her, {to her mothers chagrin}

Now this former child, new young woman is dealing with the negativity the world can and often throw at you and thanks to all of the love she had is finding the skills she needs to take with her in to full adult hood to make sure she always knows her self worth and her true value..she always knows that who she is and what she will become will never depend on an out side source but will depend on what she believes with in her self.

This young woman this fabulous former child is a true star in the sky yet like most most star's she will just grow brighter and brighter for years because it will be a long time before this star no longer burns like she should, so the sky the universe is the limit my sweet sweet ame and remember always believe in what ever you do, because your family my love believes in you.

Learn it Live it.

It's funny to me some time's how everyday seems to be in away unreal, in fact more of that seems at times to come from the fact that I still have all my friends and family on the west cost, I'm learning about life and learning about people and what's funny in a strange way is feeling like I have to on a certain level be guarded and careful of making sure no one gets to close yet..I don't know why I feel like that but it feels on a certain level It's something I have to do for my self and use this as a tool to guard my self and be ready for what live has to offer.

What is interesting to me is people out here I will say that the more layed back attitude here seems to be for my liking and the sun the openness is great, I also feel safe which is saying allot for going from the west to the east cost at this age. This adventer would be better if I could have everyone here but hey you can't have everything can you.

I will say this I do wish pookie did not have to work so much cause it does get a little lonely however I do realize this is an amazing opportunity for him and even if I feel lonely I know that his heart is with me everyday...I know this adv enter is just getting started but what I take from this will be on me and no one else.