July 20th 2013

  I know that Next year will be a huge year for senor pookie and I because we have set the date we will join our souls together as one. See I always think of marriage or weddings as a true union of soul were we agree before Our friends and family and most importantly, Our selfs that we are bonding our souls   together as one and buy doing that we say that there will be no challenge we can not face together. The Key is we know we are a team and we have to be the ultimate team that together is unbeatable. I know even though we have been together for a decade we have so much un left story to tell..so I can't wait

Sooo Growing up finally at 40

    Well what's interesting to me at times is that people so often feel that after a certain age u have to grow up and that to many people seems to mean loosing your innocents at your ability to play and smile. I have always felt that no matter my age I am not to old to buy toys or read comics, dance around the house or watch cartoons. However the one thing I can't run or hide from is the fact that because of my diabetes's I have now had to take a more proactive approach to my health and how much control I have over it.

  What is so strange to me is I have been using this illness not as a weakness but as a source for discovering with in my self an inner courage to finally take a portion of my self and allow this part to grow up or better yet mature some and during this process I have found that the 1st time in years My weight is starting to lessen some and it's allowing me to experience new aspects of life that for awhile I thought were denied to me, such as clothing buying or bike riding. The fact is there is nothing I can't do if I want to do it, I just have to realize mind and body are two different things my mind may say "hey your not that old" my body may say "ah yup u are" but I have to know that, that's OK and I should never beat my self up over that fact because it's OK change takes time But I have to remember Fabulousness is forever.

Forever

   It's funny to me how so many people look at forever as a bad thing as something to be afraid of and never strive to go towards but what I wonder is that a bad thing? we live right now in a world that seems to be soooo afraid of forever and what it means's, I mean we live in a world that when things get to hard u can just get out of it and say " hey it's irreconcilable difference" and be done but why why do we not have the strength to fight for what we believe in, and better yet if you are fighting why is it because u believe this is the person for u this is the person u love u like the person who makes u smile and giggle and u flirt and it's still fun.

 Forever is not a bad word, My beloved Grandparents were together for fifty years before my Grandfather passed, I find that soooo great because when I look at my pookie I see the man I met ten years ago and the man now and I laugh at this nerdyness his humor his wit but I smile at knowing his love for me is unlike anything I have ever known. Does it matter that were both men, nope it matters we want to keep building our life together  I will enjoy watching him get older because he as my pookie is truly fabulous and will be mine forever.

2012

It's very funny to me how 2012 is a promise of untold potentale of dreams and promise yet to be. What I really don't understand is the complaining I am hearing on only the 3rd day of the year how horrible everything is, I mean when did people forget that life is what we make of it, This new years eve was my ten year anniversary with Pookie and what was so wonderful is the fact he used that as the time to ask me to marry him :() I mean wow I felt my head spin a bit but then I realized that it's a dream of a tomorrow I always wanted and it's now on its way to coming into being. We're looking at this year as a time of preparation a time to rally our strength and ability to afford what we want to do. I'm looking at this year to be fun to be adveterous to be mystical and magical as the year should be. I know that's the choice I'm making.

The Begining

  It's the Day before Turkey-day and I have a lot of memories going in my head right now, because last year at this time was when my world would start to change. Pookie got a huge opportunity to come to Florida and work in this field of 3-D animation and I felt I had to no that's the wrong word I wanted to stand behind him and give him this change to make this happen for him and for us. He's working to make us a life and make our family strong..Now what I have to do is find the courage in me to realize this is important and I can't be side because life is different. I have to know that life is change or better yet an adventure because if u don't keep playing the game what's the point?

   What I mean by that is I have to find my smile I have to find my joy and bring it to us as a couple and what we are building and have together.  I know things are not always rose's and rainbow's and that's OK because when they are there fabulous and when there not well that's OK because with us a deal is a deal and there is no escape...:)

The Crack In My Bling

  Something I don't think they tell u when your  growing  up is the  fact  that they { meaning people} make it always seem that life as a grown up is a time of adventure and fun and beauty. However I am hear to say  that cannot  be farther from the truth...I wish so much that now  a day's kid's were not in such a hurry to grow up and take the time to make sure they enjoy there child hood's while they can. I mean what happened to ridding bikes and playing hide and seek or freeze tag there were so many funny thing growing up that I would not change for the world.  In fact I remember My MOM trying to teach me how to skate NO not roller blade I mean Roller skate because that's how we do it.

   What's funny to me is people are so serious all the time I mean yes Life can be hard but it's up to us weather we allow our self's to get old and be unhappy, let's face it unless your going to live with mom and dad for ever u have to get out and go into the big bad world to find your spin on it and how u can make your story the best it can be.  What people I think don't understand is the hardest part about growing up is the  stress and what it does to you and how your body reacts to it. However weather or not we play is up to us and that alone is a stress buster like no other.

Sugar and spice but i's still so nice

   It's funny to me sometimes when u learn things about yourself and what's strange is when u learn these things u then have to decided how your going to handle what ever life has started to trow at you. I have just learned that I am diabetic and what that has done is opened my eyes to the fact that I make the choice and the decision on how to take care of my self and what I am going to do with this knowledge.
    Instead of worrying I have decided to use this as a goal to better my self and make my self a better person...what I have learned that's really strange is the fact that I never realized how my out of control sugar made me nutty, and what I mean buy that is my mood's were so out of control at times..
    No more mood swings for me {lucky pookie}  and also I have lost weight but what's interesting about this is weight has always been an issue in my life growing up because I'm not a size 33 but that's fine that was a goal I let go years ago because I realized that for me that was not a healthy goal and I hated starving my self.
   My goal is not really weight loss because that's an effect that I see coming from what I'm doing, my goal is to be healthy and be able to do more and not have pain, I defy someone to say well ye I'm larger but I don't hurt the fact is you may not hurt know but u will hurt and if u wait to long it may be to late to do anything about it. Life is short but it's also a gift you only get once and there is no receipt for the return.

    I know this I may be turning 40 in march but I'm proud to know I can still learn, I'm proud I am not scared of change, and I'm proud and lucky that my pookie is so supportive because if he were not I do wonder if this journey would be one I could have been on at all.